UPTOWN RIOT: Sounds good to me.
Interview w/ Paymon – Vocalist/Guitarist & Conrad – Bassist
By: Denis Maile
Uptown Riot has been kickin’ it around the Vancouver scene off and on for over two years now, and have shared stages with the UK Subs, Snfu, Mad Sin, and The Briggs. The solid frontline of Paymon and Conrad have had a string of drummers (5 in all) and are now back with drummer numero uno, coming full circle and feeling confident with the line-up they have locked in. I met up with them at an undisclosed location that sold cheap jugs of beer and meat on a stick. Paymon had won big on the black jack table the night before so the beers flowed freely. Before we got too smashed we discussed some important things like bowling, the lack of toilet paper in Edmonton and more bowling.
dm: How’d you come up with the band name?
Conrad: I hated it at first. We had a huge list of band names, and that was one of them. Right away I was like, nope that’s a horrible name, NEXT! I don’t know how it came about but that was the name we picked, and now I have it tattooed on my leg.
Paymon: And I have it tattooed on my arm, so we’re stuck.
dm: You guys just finished a tour of Western Canada, what’s your best tour story?
Paymon: We were in Edmonton and I invited Chris from Unrest Records to the show. I met him in Vegas and hung out once in Vancouver so I was stoked when he came down, but feeling pretty shitty. We were sitting at the bar and I leaned over to drop some gas and fuckin’ shat myself. It was so awkward because I had only been talking to him for thirty seconds. I ran to the bathroom and there was no toilet paper at all, so I stopped in at the truck, grabbed some fresh clothes and ran to the gas station where my ass exploded, and they had no toilet paper either! I wiped up with my shitty clothes and threw them all out.
Conrad: He comes up to me and says, ‘I shit myself, for real.’ I was like uh-oh, are we gonna play? Because this was 30 minutes before we were supposed to go on.
Paymon: Then I started projectile vomiting in the back lane behind the venue. I was huddled up in the truck, shaking and holding a pillow until it was time to play. Almost passed out on stage, but I got through it.
dm: Did you meet any real crazies on tour?
Paymon: It’s hard to notice any crazies with our drummer Dave around.
Conrad: Yeah, he’s more nuts than anybody.
dm: Paymon, you’re a barber by day. How much ass does that get you?
Paymon: I mainly cut men’s hair, so hopefully not much.
dm: So Paymon, it has come to my attention that you're quite into bowling, you even set up Vancouver's first ever punk rock bowling event! What’s the connection between punk rock and bowling?
Paymon: Besides lots of booze and smelly-ass shoes? You don't have to be any good at the guitar to play in a punk band, so why should a few gutter balls make you a bad bowler? If you can do both at the same time, it makes a recipe for a damn good ol' time.
dm: What’s your high score in bowling?
Conrad: You’re supposed to keep score? I just like sticking my fingers in the holes.
Paymon: At punk rock bowling if you hit something down, you’re doing good. Just remember to keep your B to B up. Bowling to beverage ratio.
We tried to end the interview with a game of bowling, but it got too late. A round of arcade bowling in the Cambie would have to suffice. Paymon was ahead, but it was shaping up to be an epic last 2 frames. Then the bouncers kicked us out.
Get down to Pat's Pub (403 E. Hastings) this Friday Dec 3rd to see Uptown Riot in the flesh. If you're lucky drummer Toothless Dave will be wearing his hockey helmet and jock strap!